Which pattern (rigid complementarity, competitive
symmetry, or submissive symmetry) do you think would be the most difficult to
change? Why? Which would be the most damaging to a relationship? Which would be
the most potentially damaging to the self-esteem of the individuals
involved?
I definitely think that competitive symmetry is
both the most difficult to change and can be the most damaging to a
relationship. For one, when a person thinks relationship, they tend to think of
working with a team however competitive symmetry does not allow this. As stated
in the text, in competitive symmetry both members are fighting for the one-up position,
and that can be not only extremely difficult to change but also to be able to
work well together when both parties are fighting for that same position. The
pattern of this can be frustrating and take its toll on either partner, because
each party is struggling on whether they can relinquish control or not, and its
extremely difficult to get the parties on the same page. I think the
potentially most damaging to the self esteem can be the rigid complementarity,
not to the person who is taking on the upper role but to the person who is
taking on the one-down role. I think it can be damaging when one person is more
dominating to the other person. It can cause the other person to feel weak.
I agree this can be a difficulty to change if there has been a precedence set over time, especially in an intimate partnership relationship. I'm sure the dynamic is hard to change regardless of the nature of the relationship, as change is never easy, but I'm feeling that the measure of difficulty in competitive symmetry can be based on the length of time and nature of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteThat said, it's never too late for change no matter how long a power struggle has been going on, because it is predicated on just one individual being willing to get out of the power struggle (dance) dynamic. In my opinion, whether the other party is willing to reassess and work on changing the dynamics of the relationship or not, it's best to do whatever we can as an individual to change or stay as clear as possible from power struggle relationships; remembering we can only take responsibility for our own behavior.
I agree that the pattern of competitive symmetry can be the most damaging to a relationship. It brings about a constant state of struggle where both parties are consistently vying to one-up the other person. Not that all competition is bad but there is a limit to its effectiveness and can block the development of deeper and more meaningful bonds between individuals. It does not allow for the development of a “safe place” in a relationship that promotes self-disclosure and allows a person to open up and share their true feelings. Instead it has a tendency to build up walls of defense that doesn’t allow the other person to see the truth behind statements for fear they may use the information towards gaining an advantage over them. It would be a truly superficial relationship.
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